Letter #3

Dear One,

One day when you were in highschool and you were going out to meet your boyfriend, you put on makeup. You didn’t wear much makeup in highschool, and that day you were wearing a lot. You were wearing bright eyeshadow and lipstick.

When you were going out the door, I said something mean, and I could see it hurt you and really took the wind out of your sails. I said something about how he’d see you coming from a mile away. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I said something critical and mean.

I was horrified to hear myself say that, and I regretted it right away but didn’t know how to fix it.

I know how much things like that hurt. My mother said those kinds of things to me a lot when I was growing up.

It makes it very hard to feel confident in yourself, and that’s what I’m most sorry for

I’m sorry I said something that shook your confidence.

You were such a beautiful girl, and I see now that I worried about what trouble you might get into. That wasn’t fair, because you were no trouble to us.

I wish I could have supported you more, and helped you feel more beautiful and confident.

I’m sorry I couldn’t do that back then. I worry that you never knew that I thought you were beautiful. I’m sorry that my words so often came out wrong, or that no words came out at all as I tried to hold back the kinds of things my mother used to say to me.

I tried so hard to be different from my mother, and I just didn't always do a good job of it.

I hope you can forgive me and understand that I have always loved you,

even when I didn’t do a good job of showing it.

Love, Mom